you would pick up someone in the library
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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