Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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