Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
