apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have feelings that need drinking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
