i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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