For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
