my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
