i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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