What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
