The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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