best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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