so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
