She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
