i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
