Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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