Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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