The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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