she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
