Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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