Non-Jews are for practice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
