Will you blow on my dice?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
