i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
try to milk me bitch
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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