i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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