The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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