You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Randomize
