the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
