I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
