Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
