Having a random hookup so left but love u
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
