Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
