Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
