i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm always down for nudity.
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