Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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