legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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