i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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