had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
