'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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