we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
