Pappa wants mamma naked
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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