A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
