He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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