I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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