Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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