i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
