Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
