What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
