I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
