I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
