Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
