i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
