walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
